Thoughts from Our Wedding

I told R that I was going to be content.

His definition of content is “giving up for good enough, because it takes more energy than you want to expend to do something else.”

My definition of content is “a decision to accept and rejoice in whatever circumstances and work in and through and beyond those.”

Very different.

He told me what he remembers from our wedding service is that he said, “I ain’t going to stop love you for nothing.”

He has kept that vow.

Thank you, God, for 26+ years of blessings.

Conflicting Marital Advice

We went to Jon and Angela’s baby shower (boy) the day after Christmas. Since the day before Christmas Eve is our official wedding anniversary, I told Jon we had been married 25 years now. He asked what advice we would give.

I told him, “Hold on.” Don’t let go. Don’t give up. Don’t give in.

Ron, on the other hand, said later that, if he had been able to (some big shower thing happened and stopped the conversation), he would have said, “Let go.” Don’t hold on to every little thing. Don’t focus on the things that are going wrong or that you don’t like. Don’t get all caught up in what is wrong.

So, if we had given advice, it would have been (apparently) conflicting, but I don’t think that it is at heart.

Don’t give up on the big things. Don’t focus on the problems. We’d both agree with that, I think. Though Ron would probably mention that a lot fewer things are “big” than you might think.

marriage advice from themetapicture dot com

Image from themetapicture.com

Thanks-giving P and Q

P:
people
popcorn
porcupines, since they are so amazing
partners
palaces
pink, especially hot and neon
purple, any shade, though royal purple is my favorite of the purples
posies
poems
poetry
poets
passion
participation
principles
portability
promises, especially those which are kept
pumpkins and pumpkin cheesecake made by Bolivia
paint
paintings
painters
pals
pen pals
pets
permission
pens
pencils
prequels

Q:
questions
quotations
quotes
queries
quacking noises
quarters
giving quarter
fourth quarter (esp on games I don’t want to watch)
quarts
quintuplets (and their mothers!)
quill pens
Quixote
quaggas (though I wish they were not extinct)

Marry an Educated Woman, Live Longer

Reuter’s says:

In a study, researchers found that a woman’s education was a stronger factor in her husband’s risk of dying over the next decade or so than the man’s own level of education.

And a husband’s social class based on his occupation had a greater influence on a woman’s survival than her own occupational class, Drs. Robert Erikson and Jenny Torssander of the Swedish Institute for Social Research in Stockholm found.

Wife 1.0

Dear Tech Support:
Last year I upgraded from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0. I soon noticed that the new program began unexpected child processing that took up a lot of space and valuable resources. In addition, Wife 1.0 installed itself into all other programs and now monitors all other system activity. Applications such as Poker Night 10.3, Football 5.0, Hunting and Fishing 7.5, and Racing 3.6. I can’t seem to keep Wife 1.0 in the background while attempting to run my favorite applications. I’m thinking about going back to Girlfriend 7.0, but the uninstall doesn’t work on Wife 1.0. Please help!
Thanks,
A Troubled User

REPLY: Dear Troubled User:
This is a very common problem that men complain about.

Many people upgrade from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0, thinking that it is just a Utilities and Entertainment program. Wife 1.0 is an OPERATING SYSTEM and is designed by its Creator to run EVERYTHING. It is also impossible to delete Wife 1.0 and to return to Girlfriend 7.0. It is impossible to uninstall, or purge the program files from the system once installed.

You cannot go back to Girlfriend 7.0 because Wife 1.0 is designed to not allow this. Look in your Wife 1.0 manual under Warnings-Alimony-Child Support. I recommend that you keep Wife 1.0 and work on improving the situation. I suggest installing the background application “Yes Dear” to alleviate software augmentation.

The best course of action is to enter the command C:\APOLOGIZE because ultimately you will have to give the APOLOGIZE command before the system will return to normal anyway.

Wife 1.0 is a great program, but it tends to be very high maintenance. Wife 1.0 comes with several support programs, such as Clean and Sweep 3.0, Cook It 1.5 and Do Bills 4.2.

However, be very careful how you use these programs. Improper use will cause the system to launch the program Nag Nag 9.5. Once this happens, the only way to improve the performance of Wife 1.0 is to purchase additional software. I recommend Flowers 2.1 and Diamonds 5.0.

WARNING!!! DO NOT, under any circumstances, install Secretary With Short Skirt 3.3. This application is not supported by Wife 1.0 and will cause irreversible damage to the operating system.
Best of luck,
Tech Support

from Happy Catholic

Not Fighting Words

“I don’t love you anymore. I’m not sure I ever did.”

His words came at me like a speeding fist, like a sucker punch, yet somehow in that moment I was able to duck. And once I recovered and composed myself, I managed to say, “I don’t buy it.” Because I didn’t.

He drew back in surprise. Apparently he’d expected me to burst into tears, to rage at him, to threaten him with a custody battle. Or beg him to change his mind.

So he turned mean. “I don’t like what you’ve become.”

Gut-wrenching pause. How could he say such a thing? That’s when I really wanted to fight. To rage. To cry. But I didn’t.

Instead, a shroud of calm enveloped me, and I repeated those words: “I don’t buy it.”

You see, I’d recently committed to a non-negotiable understanding with myself. I’d committed to “The End of Suffering.” I’d finally managed to exile the voices in my head that told me my personal happiness was only as good as my outward success, rooted in things that were often outside my control. I’d seen the insanity of that equation and decided to take responsibility for my own happiness. And I mean all of it.

[…]

I said: “It’s not age-appropriate to expect children to be concerned with their parents’ happiness. Not unless you want to create co-dependents who’ll spend their lives in bad relationships and therapy. There are times in every relationship when the parties involved need a break. What can we do to give you the distance you need, without hurting the family?”

“Huh?” he said.

from The New York Times

A story of love in the face of rejection.

via Happy Catholic

Hugs help

– Couples may be able to enhance one another’s health by being more physically affectionate with one another, new research in Psychosomatic Medicine shows.

Couples who underwent training in “warm touch enhancement” and practiced the technique at home had higher levels of oxytocin, also known as the “love hormone” and the “cuddle chemical,” while their levels of alpha amylase, a stress indicator, were reduced, Dr. Julianne Holt-Lunstad of Brigham Young University in Salt Lake City, Utah, and her colleagues found.

Emotional and social support is key to both mental and physical health, Holt-Lunstad and her team note, while support between spouses may be particularly vital. One important but little-studied way that people express this support, they add, is through “non-sexual, caring physical touch, such as hand-holding, hugs, and sitting or lying ‘cuddled up.'”

according to Reuter’s Health.

These things would be good. My husband will be home in three and a half hours.

I am looking forward to it.

What to do about poor relationships?

People often keep repeating the same mistakes in relationships over and over again.

A wise friend recommended these books for another friend of mine (and my sisters):

Getting the love you want ; author: Hendrix

The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work: A Practical Guide from the Country’s Foremost Relationship Expert; author: Gottman

When did we fall in love?

My husband was saying recently that we had love at first sight, because we met in June and got married in October. But actually, I know the weekend I fell in love with him. Probably even what we were doing at the time.

It was the weekend of his best friend’s wedding. I knew the bride and they invited me up. My car broke down, but a friend gave me a ride for over half the trip. Then R picked me up and took me the rest of the way. I was tired and sick part of the time and he was very good.

We went to Detroit to take the bride and groom to the airport. Don’t remember how we got there, someone’s van. He’d thrown up because we were up too early. (He’s not good with early hours.) And later I had my head on his leg resting. Someone brought up a painful subject for me; he knew it somehow. He petted my hair and defused the discussion.

I’m fairly sure that if there was a moment that I fell in love, it was that one.

We got engaged the next day.

Paradox

Someone in England’s been carving heads, leaving them at folks’ places, and “no one” can solve the riddle. It’s in the BBC here.

But I don’t see that “twinkle twinkle little star does love blaze less from afare” is a riddle.

It’s a question. And the answer is either a clear NO or a clear YES.

The paradox can be observed in these two aphorisms:

Out of sight, out of mind.

Absence makes the heart grow fonder.

I don’t think either of those proverbs is wrong. I think they apply to two different situations. If the “love” is not strong, not committed, or just a crush, then when the people are separated, they care less about each other.

If, however, the love is strong, is true, and is committed, then being apart from each other actually can strengthen the relationship. That doesn’t mean that lovers should stay apart from each other, but that being apart from each other won’t end the relationship.

Female Porn

Or at least that’s what the presenter, Al Lowe, calls it. Totally work friendly.

And by the way, at least three of those I get at home all the time!

Okay, that’s a little scary.

I got on ichat with my hubby and left a string of comments, after he’d said hi back, that went like this:

Okay. I thought I would get on and read my blogs. Haven’t done that in a few days. Haven’t had time.

Another of the bloggers I read had a spouse walk out on them. Just got mad, didn’t get over it, and quit.

What is up with that?

Five minutes later my hubby logged out without responding. Was that a hint?

A Few Words on Sex

Sigfried, Carl & Alfred has a great collection of comments on sex.

My favorite, because it redeems me thorougly since I have never been guilty of this, though knowing my reading habits one might suppose I have been…

“My girlfriend always laughs during sex —no matter what she’s reading.” – Steve Jobs, found[er] Apple Computer

They were funny. My last quote from the list:

“According to a new survey, women say they feel more comfortable undressing in front of men than they do undressing in front of other women. They say that women are too judgmental, where, of course, men are just grateful.” – Robert De Niro

Mr. Right

His age: 42. He’s three years younger than I am, though lots more in life experience. (I grew up young.)

How tall is he? 6’1″ which is great for wearing high heels or for being cuddled.

How long have you been together (married)? 18 years

How long did you know each other before you got together? What does “got together” mean? We met in June, went out in July, started dating in August, and got married in October.

What physical features attracted you to him first? Hmm. Height? He made me laugh. That’s what attracted me first. Second was that he was such a gentle man.

Eye color: Brown, tiger eye color (the stone not the animal)

Hair color: Once was sandy blonde, now dark and mostly shaved off

How did you meet? In Animism class at Mission Seminar.

How serious is it? Very

Are you “in love”? Absolutely. And I like him too.

Do your parents like him? Yes. My dad said, as we started up the aisle, “I think you got a good one.”

Do his parents like you? Mostly. They think I’m the reason we left the cofC for a while; they’re not to hip on that.

Do you trust him? Absolutely. No question.

Would you share a toothbrush with him? Yes.

Would he let you wear his pants? I steal his sweats when I want to really grunge out.

Does he smoke or do drugs? No. Never.

Do you have a shirt of his that you sleep in? No.

Do you like the way he smells? Yes. Seems like you’d have to in order to get to 18 years.

Can you picture having kids with him? Not anymore, no. We have two.

Does he have a temper? Not really.

Are you happy to be with him? Absolutely!

Does he embarrass you in public? Never.

Does he have any piercings? No. He did once wear a clip on earring to his parents’ home. His grampa offered to wrestle him to the ground and his dad offered to cut the earring off.

Does he have any scars that you know of? Hernia holes from when he was a baby and after we married.

Is he a party dude or stay at home? Stay at home.

Is he outgoing or shy? Er, no. He’s an introvert, but he’s a good talker when he gets going.

Does he love his mama? Yes

Would he hang out with you and your friends? Only if I wanted him to.

I got this meme from My So-Called Homeschool.