Do you remember as a kid you or your friends wanting to buy bras? Do you remember the excitement of your first bra?
I don’t. I was nine when I got my first bra. Who wanted to wear a bra at nine? Not me, that’s for sure.
Do you remember stuffing your cups? Remember trying to decide if tissue paper or something else looked more natural?
Not me. I was a C by age 10. No stuffing cups for me.
Do you remember gaining weight with your baby and your breasts got bigger and you were thrilled?
Not me. Mine were already C and I didn’t want to go to DD.
Do you remember after you lost weight, how your breasts shrunk? Or they lost the weight first and you were so bummed?
Not me. I don’t lose weight in my breasts until everything else is gone.
Okay, don’t hate me. I’m getting to the problematic part.
Do you go into the store, look at every bra in the place, and realize that you can’t fit in any of the bras?
That’s me. I can’t buy at Kohl’s or Foley’s or Dillard’s. I can’t buy at regular people stores. No. I have to go to Lane Bryant.
Do you ever go into a store thinking you wear one size, two sizes larger than your bras, and it turns out you actually need 3 sizes larger?
That’s me. From a C (which is what I have on right now to go running) to DDD. (That’s an F in Britain, but here we just keep increasing the Ds.) Now, I’ve bought Ds before that I realized were too small. So I went in there thinking I’d have to get a DD. But a DDD? What’s up with that?
And I wanted undies to match. Only their smallest size undies are 14s. And I wear 12s. So I bought too big undies.
Oh yeah. That DDD bra I told you about? It had “air bags” in it. People still stuff their bras. Only they do it with air bags which are built into the bras. Hello! If you are wearing a DDD, you don’t need an airbag. I mean, that would make your regular size a DD or a D. Why would anyone want to stuff themselves to a DDD.
Anyway, bras are not my friend. And I am looking forward in heaven to going au naturel. (Having amazing boobs that hold themselves up.)