Fear

Today I have been very afraid, time after time. I am hoping I am getting over it now.

I went for my run this morning, right after R left. In fact, I saw him head down one path. I ran my 1.5 min, walk 1.5 min, times 7. I was so impressed with myself. Then I came home. I thought about R’s breakfast, so I put Philly Cheese Steak pockets in the toaster oven. The box said they would take 30 minutes, but I thought if they were mostly done he could eat them.

Then the toaster oven dinged. I looked at my watch. R was 30 minutes late. I went and looked out the window. His car was still here. I went in our bedroom. No one there. I picked up my cell phone and told the boys I would be looking for their dad. If he came home, they should call me.

I started walking down the way I thought R had gone. About a quarter mile into it I realized I should have ridden a bike. It would have been faster. But I hadn’t. I passed a couple and asked them if they had seen anyone back the other direction, but they couldn’t speak English.

After a while, I saw him coming towards me. At least, I thought it was him. But I couldn’t really see because of the trees and the twist in the greenbelt. But it was him. “I got lost,” he said.

Lost. I hadn’t thought lost. I’d thought dead. Then I had calmed myself down and thought broken bone. Then maybe a twisted ankle and scraped up hands. But no, he had been lost. (And put out a fire, but this post is about my fear, not his.)

Then, after he’d called the fire department and left for work, I got ready to go get my hair done. Got in the car. Turned on the radio. “And Joe Boor will be with us. He was there when the explosions happened.” And I thought, ‘What explosions? Where? Do I need to go home?’ But I kept driving. Soon I learned that the explosions were in London. (Am I terrible for feeling a small bit of relief?)

After my hair, I went by Taco Bell and picked up two bean burritos for the boys. Then I came home, made myself beans and hot dogs, and we all ate.

I needed to go by the homeowner’s association with our color choices. So I told the boys I was going. I went. The lady didn’t seem too impressed with the red, but it’s an accent color. Hopefully it will pass muster.

Then I got in the car to head home. And the radio said, “This is an emergency broadcast.” Then, instead of saying anything, after scaring my heart right into my toenails, they started this “BLLLEEEP, BLLEEEP, BLLEEEP.” thing that seemed to go on forever as I went a little faster than legally allowed hoping I didn’t have to be home sooner than in five minutes and thinking how fast I could get the boys in the car. Turns out it was for southern Brazoria county, not us. But man they could have said that sooner.

So I’m a little freaked out. I am hoping no more Fear Factor stuff will come up. This is the kind of day I would normally say, “Let’s go out to dinner.” But I won’t. I’m trying to be good for our budget and my diet. (Although I could eat out on my diet.)