Goals, dreams, ideals

When I was little I had strong goals. To go to college at what is now my alma mater. To get a PhD at Purdue. To own a house by the time I was 30. I did all those things.

Then, I confess, my life changed. I got married, something I hadn’t planned on, and then I had other things going on in my life. For a long time I felt that I couldn’t have any goals because my life was not my own, it was my family’s. That was not a good choice to make, because it wasn’t true, but as long as I thought it was, it looked like it was.

I am now 41 years old, almost 42. I have been, in years past, closer to some of my goals than I am now. In fact, at times I have reached goals I had and/or still have.

I did go and graduate. I went to Purdue and got a PhD. I owned a home when I was 30. I went on the mission field. I learned French and Spanish. I learned to cook. I’ve danced in public without embarrassing anyone. I’ve written the first draft of a novel.

But I still have goals that aren’t in the here and now.

I want to be out of debt. For me, that always meant any kind of debt, including house and car. I am willing, at least right now, to suspend my belief that all debt is bad and look into the possibilities of “good debt,” investments which others pay the mortgage on. Part of why I am working two part time jobs is to get out of debt.

I want to educate my children well. I am a homeschooling mother and that requires a tremendous amount of responsibility. For me, it means moving beyond the easy. It is another reason I have two part time jobs instead of a full-time job. Working part time I can set my own hours and that means I can be home with my kids.

I want to be healthy. This sounds like a general goal, but it isn’t. I have very specific things I want to do to be healthy. Just last year I was closer to this goal than I am now. I gave up doing what got me that far because it wasn’t getting me any farther. Now I realize that as far as I had gotten was good. Maybe I won’t make my goal, I am not sure, but I want to be closer to it than I am now.

I want to exercise whenever I am depressed and upset rather than eat. Last year I was doing that, but in the course of the last year I have dropped that habit and re-gained an old habit.

I want to eat well. I want to eat things I am not allergic to which will help me lose weight. For me that is hard. Many of my comfort foods are things I am allergic to. I need to gain more comfort foods.

I want to find a way to try the medicine which made my mother well when I was the age of my youngest son. If it works, I want to find a way to keep getting the medicine and taking it. I want to be healthy.

I would love to wear a size 8 and be fairly muscular. Last year I wore a small size 10. Now I wear a large size 12. That’s not where I want to be. I am aiming to get back down to a small size 10 and getting rid of all my size 12s. (I got rid of all my 14s and 16s and I am never going back.)

I want to finish my book, rewriting it, and send it to either Baen or Ace. They’re the publishers whose books are my favorites on my shelves. I also want to finish my second novel by the end of 2004. I think that’s a very high goal, because I will still be working and homeschooling, but I think it can be done.

I want to find the $1000 it turns out we owe the IRS without endangering our debt-relief plans. I think I can do it. The question isn’t “How are we going to ever be able to manage?” The question is, “How can I get this done?” I have a few ideas. Use my allowance. I have a spending budget that I don’t really need. Another idea is to use my birthday money. I was planning to use it to fix my car, but that can probably wait. Supposedly it’s only noise, not something that will hurt my car. Maybe I can work on my tutoring on Fridays and get students in to work on the things they really need help with. It’s a possibility at least.

I am sure there are other goals I have right now, but those are the ones that are in the forefront of my mind.

My mind figures out the way to get what I want. I just have to know where I want to go.

One thought on “Goals, dreams, ideals

  1. I found excersise and health in martial arts, and my accupuncture doctor help me learn about breathing and to identify where the sources of my other problems are. Mental crarity is important.

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