Really, how can my friends who live in an apt in Dallas, who are both divorced and not getting the money they were supposed to from their respective ex-spouses, who apparently sit around all day and golf and drink, buy a half million dollar house?
I would really like to know their secret.
My mother died on Monday the 19th of July.
She had not moved at all since at least Saturday (17), when she squeezed my cousin’s hand.
On Wednesday, the 14th, she kissed my dad back. He had been kissing her on the cheek and forehead as he anxiously paced the whole house. That time he ducked for a kiss on her lips and she kissed him back.
On Tuesday, the 13th, we brought her home from the hospital with hospice.
What were her final minutes like?
My father was asleep in bed. All four of us kids were around her. She had been stopping breathing and then starting again after a long interval.
Then she sang four notes, like a little kid sings, off key and long. She was already in heaven singing and her body hadn’t got the message to quit.
Chris told Mom that her singing was normally beautiful, but that not so much.
I think it woke up Dad.
He asked me to get him some banana pudding. I think the girls knew it would be any minute, so they told him Dorinda could get it. She did and she fixed it like he liked it. She left the room again.
Chris did “This little piggy” on her toes. One little piggy was going to heaven.
Then Mom quit breathing. Chris said, “It’s been two minutes.” Julie said, “Not yet.” Chris moved from her feet to her head. “Five minutes.” Julie nodded. Steph started crying. Chris did too. Chris looked for tissues.
Dad said, “What are you doing?”
Chris said he was crying. “I’m gonna miss my momma.”
Dad said, “But she’s still all right? She’s still alive.”
The girls and I looked at each other. One of us said, “I don’t think so, Dad.”
Her lips lost all their color.
Julie called the hospice. Dad cried. We all cried.
An hour later hospice arrived. Janet said she would set the time of death for when she saw Mother, over an hour after she died.
Then she called the police.
Six ended up coming in total.
My mother died.
While I know it was good for her, it has been a week and I miss her. I cry at the weirdest times.
Daddy is doing very well considering, but it is hard for him.
He was so sure he would go first.
This hospice site says that dying has two phases. Preactive usually is up to two weeks. Active is 3 days.
Preactive symptoms Mom has had:
increased periods of sleep, lethargy (5 weeks)
decreased intake of food and liquids (3 weeks)
inability to heal or recover from wounds or infections (2 weeks)
increased swelling (edema) of either the extremities or the entire body (2 weeks)
Active symptoms Mom has had:
inability to arouse patient at all (coma) or, ability to only arouse patient with great effort but patient quickly returns to severely unresponsive state (since Sunday, 7/11)
inability to swallow any fluids at all or not taking any food by mouth voluntarily (today, 7/17)
patient breathing through wide open mouth continuously and no longer can speak even if awake (since Sunday, 7/11)
blood pressure dropping dramatically from patient’s normal blood pressure range–more than a 20 or 30 point drop (at least since Thursday, 7/15)
marked decrease in urine output and darkening color of urine or very abnormal colors, such as red or brown (Today it is brown, like dark tea. 7/17)
patient’s body is held in rigid unchanging position (since at least last Thursday, July 8 )
About.com has different signals. They are similar in some ways. I am only noting the ones that I didn’t see on the last one.
One to two weeks prior
The blood pressure lowers. (Friday, 7/16)
There is increased perspiration. (Friday, 7/16)
Speaking decreases and eventually stops altogether. (This has been happening since ICU, at least. I wasn’t here before. So, July 1.)
Days to Hours
None of these match Mother.
Saturday, July 17- Mom didn’t open her eyes at all yesterday. Family coming in today (Janet and kids).
The boys came in. They are going to see Mom after lunch with R and I. We’re driving there from The Woodlands.
Janet, Shonda, the girls, and Baolo came in today to see Mom. She didn’t even open her eyes while they were there.
However, she did open them when they left. We all spent time talking to her; everyone was right there. Dad got up and came over to sit with her too.
Micah held her hand for an hour or so. Elijah stood next to her and held her foot for a while.
Dad thinks she will die tonight even. He wasn’t asleep when we left at 9ish.
The girls don’t think it will be today. Mom doesn’t match the symptoms for final hours.
Friday, July 16- Mom did not eat much today, maybe four bites of ice cream. She also didn’t drink water. Gail came by again today.
Thursday, July 15- Chris made it back today.
Mom ate a single serving container of ice cream and one and a half of jello.
I had to give her pain medicine tonight though. That’s bad. She hasn’t been in pain.
Wednesday, July 14- The nursing assistant came and gave mother a bath. Her name is Pam and the girls adored her. (She’s not the regular asst, but…)
The nurse came by.
Mother opened her eyes. I think she can see us, but the girls aren’t sure.
They announced at church that mother is dying. Minister and about 10 others came by.
She ate some ice cream for me! A whole single serving dish. I was so thrilled!
Tuesday, July 13- Hospice is coming in to talk to us today.
She quit eating.
She’s going home with hospice today. It won’t be long.
Monday, July 12- Vickie is still here. Mom hasn’t talked today. She can follow you around with her eyes.
Mom ate pudding with her medicine in it at 5 p.m. She wouldn’t eat any of her supper.
I am afraid that was her last food intake ever.
I missed school today. I thought it started when it ended. I got a call from my chair about thirty minutes after class actually started. I said I was coming, didn’t class start in two hours? I explained that Mom was in the hospital and I hadn’t even thought to check the time. He was nice about it. Asked if they needed to find someone to teach my class, etc.
It meant I got to come to the hospital early. I was there from 11 till 1:30, when I left for my job interview.
Diagnosis: They officially told us today that it is brain cancer and that there is nothing they can do.
I knew that already. No one else had accepted it, though.
Sunday, July 11- Mom told dad hi this morning. But he didn’t hear her because he was talking to her. He went to sleep on the couch.
Chris and I were talking to her. He asked Mom if “he was worth talking to” and Mom nodded yes.
Then I kissed her good-bye and told her I loved her. She said, “I love you.” right out loud. Chris jumped. “Dad, did you hear that?” But he was asleep.
Those were the last words she said.
Fb post: Studying. Work tomorrow. Other things going on. Busy. I won’t even make it to the hospital until 4: 15 or so tomorrow.
Saturday, July 10- Mom told Chris, Stephanie, and Mark “hi.” She also told Reagan, “Hello.”
I told Mom that Vickie is coming. I asked her if she knew who Vickie is. She said, “Yes.” It took a lot of effort for her to say it.
I’ve been telling her a lot that I love her.
At 6 p.m. (I checked the time because I thought those might be her last words.) she said, “I love you.”
She said it again at 10 p.m.
And at 11 p.m. she said, “I love-”
She couldn’t finish it.
I was afraid to leave her, for fear that she would die alone. So I stayed the night.
I put her CPAP on her so she could breathe, because she looked like she was having trouble breathing.
Diagnosis: At about noon the infectious disease specialist came in and told us that it wasn’t infection.
The oncologist (Mother’s own oncologist) said he wasn’t coming to the hospital because it wasn’t an emergency (meaning she’s going to die). I am less than impressed.
Friday, July 9- Mom isn’t talking, but she’s still eating. Julie said she ate breakfast. Steph fed her some lunch. She ate supper for me, though not as much as I would like. She’s got to be getting bored with the food they will let her have.
Diagnosis: The contrast MRI found a lot of abnormality. The neurologist says it’s either infection or cancer.
Sunday, July 4- Mom got out of ICU today, but she’s not talking much. They’ve got her heart better regulated. But she’s set off the alarm four times in an hour and a half with her heart going too low.
Saturday, July 3- Someone called Vickie. She’s coming in tomorrow. Mother will be glad to see her.
Mom’s not really talking much in ICU.
Friday, July 2- Mom’s still in ICU. The nurses aren’t feeding her, but Steph came home from Austin and she is taking great care of Mom. They let her stay after the 30 minute limit. I am glad.
Dad’s coming up several times to see Mom. He is really worried.
I asked Mom if she knew who I was and she said, “Suanna.” It was a lot of effort for her, but I was so glad to know she knew me.
Steph banged her head on the bed because she’d been talking to Mom for a while and Mom hadn’t said anything to her. She just needed to ask something specific, I guess.
Thursday, July 1- I talked to Chris from New York. Mom seems to be doing all right.
When I arrived in Houston I had a phone message from Julie. Mom is in ICU. I’m going to take R to school and go to the hospital from there.
The ICU locks the doors and won’t let you in except every two hours. I stood at the door, because I was about 5 minutes late, and heard a nurse yelling at a patient. I am worried about Mom being in there.
Political Calculations has a blog post on whether businesses prefer Texas or California.
Texas wins.
Go see why.
And by how much.
This article is about a man trying to find the proper health care for his wife.
She had a permanent pain disease.
It tells of their frustrations with the healthcare system as it exists and what they think is good.
Today at 6 p.m. my mother struggled to tell me, “I love you.” She succeeded.
She also said Hello to my niece and hello to my brother and sister and brother-in-law.
She is so much better this afternoon then she has been. She ate and chewed and swallowed.
She’s dying. She’s not going to be with us much longer. But today she told me she loved me.
BAD:
Constructive Curmudgeon says
The Supreme Court just ruled that a college or university may deny a student group official status if that group does not allow homosexuals as leaders.
BAD:
Stop the ACLU says that people are going to quit signing petitions.
In an 8-to-1 decision, the high court said public disclosure of referendum petitions does not as a general matter violate the First Amendment.
We saw how well the “saying who gave $$” worked out, with Prop. 8 in California, right? (Such as this article.)
GOOD:
Bloomberg.com, in “Gun Rights Must Be Honored by States/Cities,” says:
[T]he constitutional right to bear arms … binds state and local governments, as well as federal officials…
The justices, voting 5-4, said an individual right to bear arms was among the fundamental guarantees protected against state and local interference through a constitutional amendment after the Civil War.
So Chicagoans have the right to own and use their weapons to stop criminals.
I have a headache today. I am sure it is because I did not sleep well, after hearing about the stroke my mother had. I do not know where the apostrophe is on the Swiss keyboard. The y and z are transposed. The @ sign is on the G and needs the alt key to come up. Odd. Or unique.
I am in Switzerland.
I got an email from my brother that said that my mother had a stroke this morning.
I got the email and went, “Oh my goodness. Oh my goodness.” The OC girls who were here asked what was going on. They brought me a tissue, gave me a hug, and went downstairs to tell SS and get her to come up here. SS and BS (giggle on that) came up and offered to let me use their phone to call home. It’s way cheaper now than it was 30 years ago when I was here. (10 cents versus $2 a minute.)
I called J, then C, then S. S, typically, said that mother was just fine and it was no big deal. I knew she would say that, which is why I didn’t call her first.
J called me back. Mom can’t walk again. You have to tell her how to move her feet.
The good news is that has happened before, and she got better.
The bad news is that has happened before… so she’s had at least two.
J is upset with C for telling me. I knew she would be. But I also appreciate C for letting me know. Although I am glad I didn’t hear when it happened, since that was when my conference was.
Australian “Angel” Saves Lives at Suicide Spot about a man who watches for the suicides, smiles at them, and invites them in for tea.
The Love Letters of John Wooden. He’s been writing his wife of 53 years a letter each month on the anniversary of her death. He’s been doing it for 25 years.
Things from the 50s that some of us older folks remember from the 60s and 70s. I remember 19 of them. (There are pictures, so it’s easy.)
17 Afghans have disappeared in the US. I hope they are looking for a good life and not to cause trouble.
The Hobbit of Flores was a direct descendant of Homo sapiens. The folks just got smaller in order to survive on the island. How do we know? There was major dwarfism and gigantism on the island for animals that were “normal” size off the island. Why should humanity be any different?
I do wonder, though, what the positive biology of getting smaller and less smart was. How did that help them survive on the island?
So I went to both Migros around the house. I bought toilet paper, because I thought we were out. There was some, but I’ll be here another week, so…
I also bought yogurt and bread for the Smiths. I don’t think I got the right one of either kind, but hopefully they will be okay with it.
While at the down Migros (down the hill), I found “Happy Birthday” candles. Since SS wanted those from the States, or at least the letters from the States, I bought every one they had.
That made me want to go to the Migros up the hill. So after I delivered the groceries, I asked where I should go. KS told me and I headed up there. I bought another five or six there. I also bought rolls, soda, apple juice, and cheese. The rolls are small, so I had two with cheese for breakfast/lunch. I’ll probably have those for breakfast every day.
Tonight I have a party for the conference, so I’ll go to that. In the meantime, I’m going to go to the Migros Metroplex (a mall?) and shop around. Maybe I can find what SS really wanted.
I also went to the bank and changed money. It’s right next to the up Migros, so that was easy. They gave me a better exchange rate than the place in the airport.
Last night I woke up after an hour. Then I couldn’t go to sleep for three. When I woke up I started panicking about the Smiths going to Geneva for church. DK doesn’t like me, but I’m hoping he won’t say anything. He was really rude to me in Abilene, some years later. Maybe he’s grown up since them. Wendell Broom swept in and said they were glad to have me, bless him.
I screwed up when I was here. I was isolated and unaware. So I skipped school. Got found out. Got a lecture. (That was NOT fun.) Then, after about six months, I started skipping school again. I decided I shouldn’t do it, went in to talk to them about going back to school. They said I needed to pay all the months I didn’t attend (two or three) and I freaked out. I ran to Montserrat’s house and cried, called my folks, and said I wanted to go home. So they let me.
I was so young, stupid, and immature. It would have been much easier and cheaper to pay the school and start over again here. But I didn’t want to deal with the humiliation.
What was really bad was they charged my boss for the months I wasn’t there. (I didn’t know they would do that and I didn’t leave him the money.) He wrote and asked me for the money. I sent him what I had immediately and then took about two weeks to send the rest.
It was a hard time and I was so alone and tired and scared and stupid. I admit it. I was stupid. I also told two lies. They were major lies, but only two.
After that I hated myself. Why had I done it?
So that’s why I didn’t like Switzerland. Yes, my boss was hard on me and I didn’t speak the languages well and they didn’t make the kind of allowances I would have preferred… BUT the problem was mostly me.
I like to think I’ve grown up since then. I hope so anyway.
But I just woke up in the middle of the night and panicked about the Smiths finding out what a jerk I was. I calmed myself down by asking what was the worst. They’d unfriend me from fb; they’d throw me out of the house and I’d have to stay in a hotel (at that point I might go to Paris after all); they’d know I was an idiot… And I realized that they might not like me as much after hearing it, but they probably wouldn’t throw me out and they certainly wouldn’t gossip about me. So, the worst was perfectly livable.
Do you think God is having me deal with old issues so I can be a better person? I have to say that though it’s not easy, it’s been good for me. (Of course it’s not Sunday yet!) But I went through NC last year and now that time is much less painful. Now I’m lancing the Geneva boil. The only one I have left is the teaching high school thing. Those last two are the times when I disappointed myself. I tried to be a good teacher, but I wasn’t. It makes me worry about what I do now.
Steve Martin sings with the Steep Canyon Riders. It’s hysterical.
I found this at Happy Catholic.
I am in Switzerland and at dinner we have discussed the Swiss system, which chooses in the sixth grade whether you will go to college or not. One of the teachers of my friends’ children said that he can tell in kindergarten which class they will be in. BigArmWoman says that Americans can tell in the third grade.
If you want to be enlightened and depressed, go read it.
(For those of you who didn’t go read it, 3rd grade exams are used to predict the need for prison beds.)
Sippican Cottage had the piece, “For Dorothy.” I recommend reading it.
I was trained to pull men whole from their mothers, like some Greek deity on a vase.
It’s about a nurse who works with soldiers.
The Common Room has a post on The Goblin and the Empty Chair, which makes the book sound like something I would adore. So I am going to purchase it.
Now I have purchased it. It will be home when I get there. Yeah!
I haven’t finished watching it, but I am putting it here so I can find it again. Math Curmudgeon says it’s hysterical. Both he and the speaker say young children and pregnant women should not watch it.
I am having a great time in Lausanne. Here is 7 hours later than Houston, so I stayed up until 7 pm so that I could avoid the jet lag issues. It seems to have worked fairly well.
My sister bought our tickets first class. I love flying first class. I tell you what, if you can afford it (which I probably can’t), it’s worth it. I honestly had the best steak I’ve ever eaten, in terms of tenderness, on the flight out here. They served dinner at 7 or so, our time. Then they served breakfast at 6 am, Swiss time. So really about midnight. But it worked to help you reset your clock.
I arrived at 7:15 a.m. in Geneva yesterday. I got to the train station by walking. It’s attached to the train station.
Going to the bathroom in the train station part (as opposed to the airport part) was a bad plan. $1. Of course, when I got to Lausanne, the bathroom was $2 in the train station.
I waited at the gar for two hours. I had misrepresented the time I would arrive (I thought I was getting in two hours later.), so Stephanie and Brady weren’t available to pick me up. But I had a quiche lorraine and a hot chocolate for lunch, which was great. I enjoyed all the people watching. I also watched Swiss news. They are much more likely to have the whole world on. I saw a section on a riot in Jamaica and a flood in Brazil. Two US sections were on; one about the president and one about the soldiers in Afghanistan.
The Smiths were gracious enough to let me stay with them. Bless their hearts!
I’ve enjoyed getting to know them at all and/or better. Tonight Kathleen and I are going to dinner. I am looking forward to that.
Yesterday I mostly stayed at the Smiths. I did walk around for about forty-five minutes, but that was all. There was a birthday party for the English-speaking students that the girls from Oklahoma Christian were tutoring. I attended that. It was fun.
Then I went to bed.
I told Stephanie I’d be up on my own this morning, but I didn’t actually get up till 9. By then she had other things to do. At 1 she took me to walk around Lausanne. She showed me the cathedral and the city hall (where the party is tomorrow night). That was good. I can find it by myself.
I’ll probably get up tomorrow early (or earlier) and walk down to Migros to go shopping. I need to find some stuff for my family. I’ll probably buy the boys tee shirts. If I see something unusual in shirts, I might get Ron something. They are $$$ though. Here the prices for smaller things are about $2 more.
I bought a 100 ml soda for $3.50 at the gar. Then today while I was walking around the soda was $5. Ouch.
I’ve learned a lot about the school system. Since all the Smith kids went to school here and Kathleen is in the university here (well, actually the polytechnic), we talked about that a lot. I love hearing about that sort of thing.
I have had a blast so far.
The only thing I am sorry about is that I am not outgoing and willing to head to Paris on my own to visit while I am here. I’d like to go to the Louvre.
Staff Sgt. Edward Rosa reads the Bible and extends a cigarette to Pfc. Jorge Rostra Obando, who was stunned by an explosion in Afghanistan’s Arghanab Valley. One comrade was killed and two injured in the blast. Pfc. Rostran asked the sergeant to read Psalm 91, a favorite from his childhood. (Ricardo Garcia Vilanova for The Wall Street Journal) – Photo Journal – WSJ
1 He who dwells in the shelter of the Most High
will rest in the shadow of the Almighty.
2 I will say of the LORD, “He is my refuge and my fortress,
my God, in whom I trust.”
3 Surely he will save you from the fowler’s snare
and from the deadly pestilence.
4 He will cover you with his feathers,
and under his wings you will find refuge;
his faithfulness will be your shield and rampart.
5 You will not fear the terror of night,
nor the arrow that flies by day,
6 nor the pestilence that stalks in the darkness,
nor the plague that destroys at midday.
7 A thousand may fall at your side,
ten thousand at your right hand,
but it will not come near you.
8 You will only observe with your eyes
and see the punishment of the wicked.
9 If you make the Most High your dwelling—
even the LORD, who is my refuge-
10 then no harm will befall you,
no disaster will come near your tent.
11 For he will command his angels concerning you
to guard you in all your ways;
12 they will lift you up in their hands,
so that you will not strike your foot against a stone.
13 You will tread upon the lion and the cobra;
you will trample the great lion and the serpent.
14 “Because he loves me,” says the LORD, “I will rescue him;
I will protect him, for he acknowledges my name.
15 He will call upon me, and I will answer him;
I will be with him in trouble,
I will deliver him and honor him.
16 With long life will I satisfy him
and show him my salvation.”
66 years ago today, D-Day.
Thank you to those of you who fought during WWII… and those who have fought since.
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